Prayer In Arabic
Wow. I just finished my first FULL Arabic prayer. I have mentioned on my personal channel that I started doing my prayer in English. My thought process behind this was that I needed to know exactly what I was saying in my prayer. It has taken me almost a year to learn how to do the entire thing in Arabic. I put it off for so long and I kept telling my self that Arabic is to hard for me. But the real truth of the matter is that I was to scared and lazy to learn it in Arabic. I was ashamed of myself and I didn’t want to ask for help. (Not asking for help is somewhat of a theme with me)
I was content with my prayer being in English. It was easy, it was something I knew, and it was pure laziness. I always told myself that Allah knew my heart and my intentions. But on the flip side… Allah KNEW my heart and my intentions. He saw that laziness and he saw the doubt there. I wasn’t pushing myself in my religion. I wasn’t pushing my prayer toward perfection. I thought my pronunciation had to be perfect and flawless for me to even begin. It wasn’t until I was talking with my Sister In Law (through my husband because she speaks Arabic) that I started to feel the shame of my laziness. She was aghast that I didn’t know even one surah in Arabic. It was then and there that I went onto the site Mount Hira to learn Surah Al Fatihah. This site is brilliant MashaAllah. It let me repeat… repeat… repeat, until I got it down onto paper and partly in my head.
I would sit during prayer and go over each word. It would fill my mouth with bulk and at first I would spit it out. It would come out in a rush and tumble. It felt wrong and I felt self conscious. My husbands family would make me recite it over and over when we would skype with them. They would giggle, laugh, and then congratulate me. I felt they were laughing at me and how I said it. And I became closed off to learning more. I went months with the only thing I said in Arabic was that Surah during prayer. I kept my learning on hold. I didn’t want to learn anymore, I didn’t want to subject myself to the humiliation of ‘getting it wrong’.
Then two things happened almost simultaneously. I went to the ICNA Conference at the end of May and it totally changed my outlook on Islam. I realized that most Muslims would give you their right arm if it would help you to become a better Muslim. And when people laugh or giggle at you for what you have accomplished… it is because of joy and happiness. No one was laughing at me… they were laughing FOR me. I also received a wake up call about how I viewed the Quran, all because I was blessed enough to watch Brother Nouman Ali Khan speak. If you don’t know who he is… then search him out. This man changed my life, without realizing it. Alhumdulillah. He told a little bit about the story of Musa (pbh). He made me realize the Quran had everything I needed… but my lack of understanding Arabic was closing me off from it. I came home and started searching Mount Hira again. And I found this hadith on their site that I didn’t see the first time.
The Last Prophet (PBUH) said: “Verily the one who recites the Qur’an beautifully, smoothly, and precisely, he will be in the company of the noble and obedient angels. And as for the one who recites with difficulty, stammering or stumbling through its verses (because he doesn’t know how to read it but is trying to), then he will have TWICE that reward.”
When I read this…. I am not going to lie… I broke down like a baby and cried my eyes out. I sobbed. My eyes turned red, my nose started to run, and my spirit filled all the way full with love for Allah. (I am even getting weepy just writing about it. lol) I decided that I was going to strive for a perfect prayer before the start of the month of Ramadhan. I would take little bites and do each bit until it became natural. And Alhumdulillah today was the last little bit to learn. I now have a 100% Arabic prayer. It might be hard to listen to and it might be the worst pronunciation in the history of prayer… but its mine and its for ALLAH!